Feed
by wildwordwomyn
Summary: Alec receives an email containing a link. This is what happens when he opens it.
1. Act One: Relief

**Feed – chapter one**

Title: Feed – Chapter One

Word Count:

Rating:

Fandom/Pairing: slash starring

Disclaimers/Warnings:

Author Notes: Um, none I guess. Other than comments being highly appreciated and most welcome.

Summary:

Feed.

That's the title of the email Alec receives early on a Tuesday morning. There's no subject line or body content. Just a one-word title. Feed. Normally Alec would ignore something like that. What else could it be but spam? The problem is it was sent to the address even his team doesn't know about and he's nothing if not paranoid. Plus the word seems so ominous. So he opens it.

Eliot Spencer lay on a bed in a blank room. White walls, white floor, no windows, no desk. Nothing is in the room but a hospital bed and the hitter laying on top of it. Asleep from the looks of it, but experience has told him that looks are usually deceiving. The camera films up close on the man's face, showing a grimace of pain, of fear. Alec immediately calls Nate, but not before catching a quick sound. A whimper. At the exact moment that Nate answers his cell Alec realizes Eliot is dreaming.

"Get the girls and meet me in the conference room. Now," Alec spits out then hangs up. He considers shutting down the email. Only the feed will still be running, and Eliot will still be dreaming.

Everyone gathers in the conference room five minutes later, sitting around the table, waiting for Alec to begin so he does.

"I opened up an email a little bit ago and found this." He projects the feed onto the large screen in front of them.

"Is that...?" Sophie starts, stops, starts again. "Is that Eliot?"

"Where is he?" Nate wonders out loud.

Alec takes a breath to answer both questions. "Yes, it is. And I don't know where he is yet but he's in trouble. I think he's drugged, and I think he's dreaming."

"That's not good," Nate says, stating the obvious. "Anything look familiar?" Alec sees his eyes roaming, searching for some clue in the room's surroundings that will tell him where Eliot's being held.

"There's nothing in the room but him and the bed, Nate. And I haven't been able to trace the feed yet."

Nate turns to him. "You mean you haven't figured out-?"

Alec interrupts him. "I mean the feed is so far buried underground it's about 20 miles deep in the Earth. It's in some encrypted code I've never seen before and so far I haven't been able to crack it. Every time I get close it changes."

"Changes? Can a code do that?" Parker asks.

"If you're a good hacker you can build any kind of code. If you're good. But this? Even I can't do this and I'm one of the best. It's like...music or something. It's constantly moving, dancing, or whatever the hell it's doing. And just when I think I got a handle on it, it's something else."

"It evolves." Sophie gets it in that instant.

"Exactly. Like the human brain. Only without limits," Alec adds. He doesn't want to but it's necessary in order for them to truly understand just how bad things are.

"He's not just dreaming," Nate points out, facing the screen again. "He's having a nightmare."

They all watch more closely, noticing for the first time what Alec suspected all along. The camera is zoomed close enough on Eliot's face to see rapid eye movement under his eyelids. His hands, despite wrist restraints, are extended, fingers stiff and slightly curled like claws. The man's body is arched while his mouth opens in an animalistic scream. The prolonged sound is so high in pitch their ear drums ache for a full minute. Alec's throat seizes as nausea rises. He didn't know anyone could sound so scared. It takes Nate a second to gather his composure, to turn off the feed on Alec's laptop. The scream still echoes off the walls though. Sophie looks over at Nate with haunted eyes. Parker has her hands over her ears. Alec exhales shakily.

Nate clears his throat and tries not to show any fear of his own. "Let's get to work."

Alec stays up for hours trying to lock down a keyword to break the code of Eliot's feed. He has three computers running simultaneously every minute for two days straight. A fourth computer lets the feed run so he can check on him to see how he's doing. It's a tortuous job, one he'd rather not have, but he can't not watch it. It's an obligation, bearing witness to the man's suffering. He wonders what Eliot sees. Is he hallucinating or remembering? Is there any respite or is the fear always there? His fingers itch to grab him right out of the feed and hold him close until all the terror is gone. The thing is, Eliot lying in that bed all alone and in pain gives him the determination he needs to keep going.

"Anything yet?" Nate questions without preamble when he picks up his ringing cell.

"Getting closer, I think, but still not...Nate, I...I think he's having night terrors. It looks like he's stuck in them. Or maybe just one that keeps looping over and over, but his body..." Alec shudders.

"Yeah, I thought that too. But we need a physical location, Hardison, or we can't get him back."

Alec sighs. "I know, I know. I'm working on it. Soon as I got something I'll let you know.

"Good. I have a few calls to make so update me as soon as you've made any progress."

"Calls to who?" Alec blurts out. He's too exhausted not to wonder what Nate has up his sleeve.

"People who might be able to help." The answer is cryptic as usual. But somehow it makes Alec feel better.

"Sophie, you have anything?" Nate queries when they meet back in the conference room. It's been four days since Alec was sent the email and he's only slept a few hours out of each. But as soon as Sophie smiles he becomes alert.

"A friend once told me that if you were going to kidnap someone without being caught, D.C. was the place to do hold them."

Parker's eyes narrowed almost as if she were offended. "But D.C. has the most security of any other state in the U.S.!"

Nate smiled back at Sophie. "I should've known. It's all about politics."

"Makes sense," Alec says, typing furiously on his keyboard. "President maybe?" The word doesn't unlock the code. "Barack? Obama?"

"Try P.O.T.U.S.," Nate smirks, shaking his head.

"Got it!" Alec shouts, showing a grid of D.C.'s underground sewer lines. A red dot glows in the center. They all stare at the dot, transfixed. Alec's angry with himself for not catching it sooner. He'd been so busy thinking outside the box that he'd forgotten the golden rule. Sometimes the easiest cons to run are the ones simplest to execute. Sophie exhales in relief as she grabs her coat and purse and walks out. Parker claps happily, following her.

Just as Alec shuts his laptop Nate puts a hand on his arm. "This won't be easy, Hardison. Who knows what they've given him to keep him like this. There could be long-term effects. Not just physical ones."

"He'll be fine."

"Hardison..."

"I'll make sure of it." The words surprise them both. Alec hadn't meant to say them, hadn't even realized he was thinking them. Nate eyes him with a new appreciation, reading more into Alec's expression than he himself is aware of.

He doesn't hesitate when he says, "Then let's go get your man." Alec, for some reason, doesn't feel the need to contradict him.

"Hey, can I get some help here?" Sophie calls in a nasal, exaggerated drawl. Alec thinks she's going for a North Carolina or Georgia accent but it sounds a little off. Then she sniffs and wipes at her nose. "Hey, hello?"

She's standing at the front desk of the corporate office for Anthem Blue Cross/Blue Shield. The security guard is looking up at her as if he'd rather not deal with her at all, especially when she coughs loudly, but it's his job.

"Yes, ma'am. How may I help you?"

"Yeah, I was looking for a Mr. Anderson? Richard Anderson. He's supposed to be handling a claim for me for my husband's surgery next month but he's saying they won't pay. I mean it's heart surgery, you know, and if he doesn't get it he'll die. You hear that? Die!"

Alec tunes her out after that. Instead he watches her on the monitor in the guard station on the floor below them, having already sneaked his way into the building with Parker. When he sees the guard get up from his chair to walk around his desk he nods at her. She grins devilishly and slips out of the room. He has no idea what exactly she'll do to get the pass card that Sophie somehow stole from the guard but it will probably be too quick for him to notice anyway. He concentrates on searching the database for underground passages and rooms. He tells Nate to do his part as soon as he finds the one he's looking for.

"Excuse me," Nate calls as soon as he walks into the suite. Sophie is standing in front of the guard, waving her arms and crying hysterically about her husband's bad heart when he rushes over. "Damnit, Marlene, didn't I tell you not to do this? We'll find another way!" He apologizes and takes her from the guard. "I'm so sorry, sir. Really. I tried to get her not to come here but she's stubborn as a mule. Takes after her mother like that...Come on, darlin', let's get you home."

Parker comes around the corner as he starts to lead her out. "Oh, I'm so sorry," she says, bumping into Sophie. The passing of the card happens before Nate can even tell her it's alright.

"Crazy people huh? You feel sorry for them but at the same time it's like you wanna run in the other direction." She commiserates, pointing at Nate and Sophie. "Anyway, I'm new here and I was hoping you could show me where Rick Anderson's office is." The guard stares at her black pencil skirt and white button down blouse. She looks like any other employee, yet one he doesn't recognize. Before he can consult his clipboard or the computer she places a hand on his forearm. "I'm already running late and I don't want to get fired on my first day...," she looks at his name tag, "Gary. Please? Help a fellow employee out?" She runs an index finger down the exposed skin on his arm just as Sophie taught her.

"Sure." Gary, the guard, smiles back. He straightens his back a little and starts to move toward the elevators 10 feet away from the desk.

"I found the room," Alec whispers into his mic. "No one's around but I'm not sure if anyone's in there with Eliot."

"Parker's on her way," Nate says. "If there's trouble she can distract it while you grab him."

Which, it turns out, is easier said than done. The room where Eliot's being kept is indeed free of 'trouble' but when Parker unbuckles the wrist and ankle restraints she can see cuts and burns from his attempts to escape. She closes her eyes and breathes in deep. Alec eyes the various tubes and monitors hooked up to the man warily. He recognizes morphine on a bag being given intravenously but there are a couple others drugs he's never heard of before. He's not sure that just unhooking Eliot is such a good idea.

"He's free," Parker remarks quietly. They both stare down at Eliot's body, scared of doing anything else. "Should we...?" She waves a hand to indicate the hospital lines.

"Nate?" Alec calls. He hopes he doesn't come across half as hesitant as he thinks he does.

"Do it."

Alec works gently but swiftly. They don't have much time before the monitors will start beeping. He and Parker each grab the unconscious man around the shoulders and waist, dragging him out of the room as quietly as they can.

"We'll need help getting out of here," Alec says.

"Parker?"

The woman gets this crazy look on her face and actually, Alec can't believe it, but she actually laughs. He only has a second to wonder why when suddenly something shifts in the air and he and Eliot are flying toward a window at the end of the corridor. He shouts Parker's name just as they blow through it. Next things he knows the three of them are dangling outside the window. Luckily the entrance to the sewer is only a slight drop down. Parker cuts the rope without notice. Alec's instinct kicks in and he holds Eliot tight against him. When they hit the ground he doesn't let the man fall. Eliot, still lost in his own head, makes no sound.

"I'ma kill you, Parker. Soon as we get out of here I'ma...I don't even know but I'll think of something..."

"You're welcome," she chirps, grinning as she unhooks them all from her repelling gear. Alec runs a hand down his own chest, then down Eliot's, checking to see if they're both still breathing.

"You are seriously disturbed!" He shakes his head and tries to calm down.

"You guys okay?" Nate's voice is slightly anxious over the comm.

"Yeah. Just having a heart attack but that's nothing that a stiff drink won't cure," Alec murmurs, forgetting who he's talking to.

"Well, I do own a bar...Now get outside. We'll meet you around the corner."

A day later they're back home with Eliot in tow. He's going through withdrawal from the morphine and a couple anti-psychotics. He's lethargic, almost catatonic, when he's awake but when he's asleep he still tenses up and he still screams. He also trembles no matter how many blankets they wrap around him. Sophie gives him tea to drink and Parker tells him jokes that only she gets the punchlines to. Nate hovers helplessly. But Alec sticks close to him. It seems to help them both. No one mentions the hallucinations.

"Green," Eliot whimpers one night. "Sea. Green sea. Sea...green...Green!"

It's Alec's turn to watch him so he's sitting on the sofa in the living room. When he hears Eliot's voice he jumps up, rushing to his side.

"Talk to me, El. What's going on?" He reaches out slowly, deliberately, in case Eliot is still dreaming. But he isn't. His eyes are wide open and miserable. What used to be blue is now dark, bruised. As if his irises have been permanently damaged.

"Monster!" Eliot huffs, exhaling harshly. "Bad!" He's looking through Alec, not seeing him at all.

Alec blinks. "Okay..." He looks over his shoulder. The doorway remains clear. "Okay," he says more confidently. "Well, I won't let him get you, El. I'm right here. You see me, El? I got you and I won't let that bad monster hurt you anymore. I promise." When Eliot grabs his hands and pulls him into his body he goes willingly. He's used to Eliot's strength by now, but letting him near is new. "It's okay, El. I got you now. You're safe." He talks softly to the frightened child inside Eliot, hoping it hears him. He has no idea what Eliot sees, what he saw in that torture chamber, but it couldn't have been anything normal to revert the hitter to a horrified little boy.

Alec hugs him, tucking his face into his neck, and hums a lullaby his Nana taught him. He doesn't know what else to do. Eliot is going through detoxification judging by the chemical-smelling sweat he keep exuding and the discolored vomit from right after they arrived home. The worst is how much he's still dissociated. Sleeping or awake he's still there in that other world and it worries Alec. What if he can't get out?

Suddenly Eliot blinks. "Green eyes. Eerie, like a monster. Coming at me. Don't like hands coming at me when I can't see them. Big hands. Bad hands." It's the most coherent he's sounded since they found him. "Bad green eyes. Sea green." Alec narrows his eyes. "Bad," he repeats.

"El? You with me?"

A throat clears but the voice that answers is gravelly anyway. "How long I been like this?"

"El?"

"How long?" he demands.

This is more like the hitter he knows so he responds with, "About five days that we know about. Maybe longer." Eliot shifts in his arms. He's amazed the man hasn't squirmed out of them yet.

"I feel like shit."

"Yeah, well, morphine, Fluphenazine and Clozapine can do that to ya." He's not supposed to be mad at Eliot. He isn't. But the adrenalin flying through him on and off for the past 5 days has gotten to him. "What happened to you?"

"Coffee. I remember going out to the diner down the street. Started drinking and then, nothing. Someone must've put something in the coffee." He shifts again. "You can let go now, Hardison." He lifts his head to peer into Alec's eyes.

"...Uh, I don't know if I should..." Eliot quirks an eyebrow. "You keep having night terrors. They get really bad. Even in the daytime. Soon as you fall asleep..."

Eliot frowns. Alec can tell this news isn't sitting well with him. To hear that he's out of control at any time isn't who he is, but to hear it's worse when he sleeps? To know that they've been watching him sleep? Eliot shifts some more.

"Have I hurt anyone?"

"No. But..."

This time Eliot groans. "But?"

"You, uh, move around a lot. And your body contorts a lot. And you, uh, scream. A lot."

"No wonder I feel like I lost a bad fight." Eliot drops his head back unself-consciously against Alec's shoulder. "That also explains why my throat's so sore."

Alec's eyes zero in on said throat, on the width of it, the tanned length of it. He never thought about it before but it's a nice-looking throat, and one he really has no right to be staring at. Especially when Eliot's awake and aware for the first time in what seems like forever. And yet suddenly that spot right under his chin begs for attention. Kisses, licks, sucking bites. He lets go of Eliot without warning, making the weakened man fall backward on the bed.

"Sorry! Shit, sorry! You okay?" He asks, hurrying to right him when Eliot grunts and tries to sit up on his own. "I'm sorry, El!"

"One of these days I'm gonna kill you, Hardison. Seriously. Just take you out before you even know what hits you."

Alec can't help smiling. Things aren't over yet. He knows that. But he also knows Eliot's coming back to him, to them, and that's all that matters.

It takes Eliot 12 more days to recover. At least for his body to recover. The night terrors still hit him when he sleeps, but only occasionally now, and they've found that Alec's humming calms him down. He's embarrassed to need so much from them and complains loudly when Nate helps him get dressed in the mornings. Sophie shaves him since his hands shake a little too much to effectively hold a razor and Parker still keeps trying to tell him jokes. He finds himself laughing at them anyway because of how animated Parker gets when she tells them since they're not really funny. They don't make any sense at all. But it's Parker. And Nate smiles tenderly at him whenever he finishes a whole meal and is able to keep it down. He loses 10 pounds, most of it muscle during that time. Alec, having researched his background when they first became a team, knows that it reminds him of when he was a P.O.W over in Afganistan. The look in his eyes tells the story of how bad it gets sometimes. That he hates how weak he is. He smiles and shrugs at the hitter. No one knows what to do.

After a month of steady improvement Eliot calls himself cured and kicks them all out of his apartment. He's back to his old self for the most part and working out to catch up on the strength that's still lacking. They all nod and leave, reminding him that they're only a phone call away if he needs them. Alec doesn't say a word, but when he goes he gives Eliot's hand a squeeze. Neither of them expect the touch so Alec pulls back, grinning easily as he walks out. If Eliot notices him carefully putting that hand in his jeans pocket he doesn't mention it.

"Can you...Can you come over?" Eliot pleads breathily later that night.

It's after dark. A little after 7 pm. Alec's just fallen asleep when he hears loud ringing. Grabbing at his phone to shut it up, he opens it to hear that little boy voice again. "El?"

"Sea green eyes and big hands, Hardison. I can't sleep for seein' 'em!"

"On my way."

He doesn't question it. Just hangs up the phone and sits up. He throws some clothes on and lifts his keys off the stand by his bed. Within 5 minutes he's let himself into Eliot's apartment and called him from the living room. Eliot doesn't respond so he heads to the bedroom, saying his name cautiously along the way. When he finds the man curled up in a corner facing the doorway he has to catch his breath. He never imagined Eliot could become so small. His heart goes out to him.

"El? It's Hardison. I'm here, man. I'm right here."

Alec steps slowly toward him, his hands hanging loosely at his sides so he won't scare him. He talks with each step, letting him know what he's doing. Eliot raises his head. His eyes are red and puffy from crying, something Alec's never seen before. His own eyes grow watery at the sight as he reaches out. For a minute he thinks maybe Eliot won't move, bu then he lurches up into Alec's waiting embrace, shivering, sweating.

"I couldn't make it stop. I couldn't-...It wouldn't stop!" he whispers into Alec's shoulder.

"What wouldn't stop?"

"The hands! The hands kept grabbing me, twisting and tearing and I couldn't get away. And then when I tried to look up the eyes were looking right through me and I kept moving forward and I couldn't...I woke up and I remembered what they were doing!"

Alec's eyelids fall closed. He rubs Eliot's back soothingly. He has no idea how else to comfort the man. "I'm so sorry, El. But I'm here, baby. I'm here." Neither catch the endearment he lets slips past.

Eliot's hands wipe at the tears tracking his cheeks. "I don't know if I can do this anymore," he admits.

"I know."

"I thought I could handle anything. But this? I can't sleep most times and the few times I do I wake up screaming. All I usually remembered was the eyes and the hands but tonight I could actually feel my arms being ripped away from my body. Hardison? I could feel it!"

Eliot abruptly stands, shoving Alec out of the way while he runs to the bathroom. Alec hears him heaving soon after. When he comes back out of the bathroom 15 minutes have passed. He's shaking and pale, holding onto the frame for support. Alec rushes over, giving him something else to lean against. He leads him back to his bed and sits him down gingerly.

"Think you can stay upright while I go get something to clean you off?" His hands hold onto Eliot's shoulders tightly, afraid to let go.

Eliot puts both of his own hands down on the bed to support himself. "Yeah. Just...don't take long?"

Alec smiles softly. "Man, I ever tell you about the time I was 10? Nana caught me and another kid stealing mail boxes?" He walks into the bathroom and grabs a towel off the rack. "Not mail out of the boxes? The boxes themselves. I thought it was a stupid idea but Russell? That was the other kid." He runs water over a corner and adds some soap, then wets the other end of the towel. "He says he likes the boxes themselves. And I was bored. And a kid, right? So I say, okay, let me be your point man. I'll plan everything." He comes back out of the bathroom to find Eliot laying down, sinking into the mattress heavily, breathing shallowly. "Like I said," he continues more softly, washing Eliot's face as gently as he can, "I was a kid so I wasn't the best planner and we got caught." He chuckles, washing Eliot's neck and chest and trying not to think inappropriate thoughts. "When Nan found out she coulda killed us. There we were standing on the porch being held by the shirt collar by some 5 foot 2 inch mother of three who started cussing her out as soon as she opened the door."

Eliot's breath evens out. Alec stops talking and sits there, watching. He wonders if Eliot will ever be the same. If he'll ever smile and smirk and push the way he used. If he'll ever fight again or run again or just be him again. The Eliot Alec needed in his life whether he wanted to admit to it or not.


	2. Act Two: Reverence

Title: Feed – Chapter Two

Word Count: 4,576

Rating: R for adult content

Fandom/Pairing: Leverage slash starring Alec/Eliot, Nate, Sophie, Parker

Disclaimers/Warnings: No spoilers. Nothing too squicky but there are nightmares/night terrors involved so if you aren't comfortable with this please don't read. There's also some unrequited lust/love in this chapter.

Author Notes: My plan is to write my first 10,000+ story. I'm plugging along still. More importantly, how am I doing so far?

Summary: Eliot is still recuperating and Alec is still confused. As for the rest of the team, they're still as odd and loveable as always...

***My sincerest thanks to *for2rusty* who volunteered to beta for me. You're doing a fantastic job if I do say so myself!***

The thing is the burns around Eliot's wrists have yet to go away. The cuts have since healed but there are still angry red rings. And he still gets occasional night terrors. Now he doesn't even remember what they're about when Alec asks. All he can say is they're bad. Alec thinks maybe the fact that he can't remember them is what makes them so awful. And his pinky fingers get twitchy. There's no other word for it. The shakiness has finally gone away from his hands but suddenly, inexplicably, his pinkies will jump in mid-air a few times. Alec will catch him looking at them as if they're foreign objects. Half-pissed, half-scared, mostly confused. Eliot still has a hard time with how out of control his body still acts when it wants. Alec himself, even after researching the drugs given to the hitter, doesn't know if it's his body's way of ridding any remaining toxins from itself or if this is a permanent problem now. Either is possible.

Unfortunately that's not the worst part. At least not for Alec. No, that's reserved for this new desire to lick at the burns and kiss away the twitches. Eliot has taken to wearing long-sleeve shirts to cover the rings of irritated flesh. Which mostly works, except for when he forgets and pulls up said sleeves to cook or when he gets warm. Then Alec's eyes immediately go to his wrists and hands. It makes no sense for him to watch the man like this. This goes beyond caring for him as a...what? Friend? Colleague? It goes beyond what he feels for Parker and that's a wealth of craziness even he doesn't understand.

"It gets easier," he tells Eliot one day while they sit on the sofa in Alec's apartment. They're playing a game on his XBox 360. Well, they're trying to anyway. Eliot seems anxious and the game isn't distracting him in the least. Alec isn't any better. He keeps sneaking peeks of his hands and doesn't realize he's talking until the words are already out.

"What does?" It says something that Eliot hasn't shut the conversation down before it can start. It says more when he actually turns his head to look Alec in the eye.

Alec takes a breath to keep going, although a part of him wishes he hadn't spoken. "Uh, the nightmares. They ease up over time. Or you get better at blocking them out. Either way it gets better." What those sentences reveal about the hacker tells the hitter everything he needs to know about where he might come from. Only Alec is pretty sure that's not what he hears.

"When?"

The question haunts Alec as much as his gaze does. He wonders if this is what his Nana felt raising him and the other foster children in her home. Wanting to take the pain away but knowing she couldn't. Wanting to see a genuine smile and feeling like a miracle took place the few times she did. Trying to coax what innocence he and the others still had out with cookies and hugs. Alec can't do anything to rid the terrors from Eliot's brain, from his body, any more than Nana could when he was a kid. But maybe, just maybe, he could make this moment a good one.

"It takes time, man. But eventually the fear won't be so bad. You'll be able to go on." Who knew Alec would be giving the older man advice? Hell, who knew the older man would ever need it? Alec smiles softly. He can't help it with the way Eliot's looking at him.

"When did you get there?" Trust Eliot to want an actual date and time.

"When I found you guys." Alec cringes on the inside at the epiphany. He hasn't had one nightmare, one dreaded minute of sleep, since Nate contacted him for they're first job together. Jesus...

Eliot focuses back on the game. What else is there to say? But Alec notices that his pinky fingers stopped twitching. And it's slight but the man is smiling. Of course, this is also when he realizes he may very well be in love with the other man. Because that smile? Really does feel like a miracle.

Nate gathers them for a secret meeting one afternoon a few days later while Eliot's taking a nap. They're in the conference room on the top floor of the building but Alec's laptop is monitoring the sound in Eliot's apartment just in case. They're meeting to talk about the man so it's better for him not to be there.

"How does he seem to you guys?" Nate asks, looking around the table at each of them.

Parker automatically answers with, "Weird." Nothing else makes it out of her mouth. She has no other words to explain what she's trying to say and 'weird' fits.

Sophie blinks slowly, heavily. "He needs more time." Meaning he's still not their Eliot yet. She refuses to let herself wonder what will happen if he isn't anymore.

"Hardison?" Nate prompts.

Right as Alec is about to answer Eliot walks through the doorway.

"I'm fine, Nate. Getting better all the time. A few more weeks and I'll be back to normal."

Alec discreetly checks the program that was supposed to be monitoring him. It's running smoothly. No alarms, no blaring warnings. The program could be crap. Especially since it was hastily thrown together. Or it's a testament to how well Eliot is improving. Alec thinks maybe it's both.

"You guys have been great. And Hardison, even if I wanna kill him half the time, is helping a lot. So I'll be okay. Really. Now stop worrying. Don't you have a new case to work on by now?"

They do. Something simple that Sophie brought in. They discuss it. Eliot chimes in with ideas on how to get around building security and how to stay safe. Luckily the job is easy, more of an information extraction from a server than anything dangerous. It's a good distraction for the team, for Alec. It takes three days to complete and he'll never admit it but he thinks of Eliot the whole time. He worries, he wonders, he fantasizes in the down time. It's all kinds of wrong and he knows it. He just can't help it. He also misses the man. He hadn't expected to. But Eliot has a way of worming his way into Alec's head at the most inopportune times during the job. Like when they begin it with Parker sneaking him into the building late that night. She's standing next to him, silent and grinning and in her element as only she can be. Then, in the blink of an eye, he imagines what Eliot would say about her face right now. He looks around for the security he knows is around and hears Eliot's voice telling him to look for hidden alcoves to hide in or desks to duck under as a precaution. He slaps himself as a reminder to get his head back on the job. The last thing he needs is to be thinking about something other than what he's there for.

Taking the server and gaining access to the files is easily done with Alec's skills. Putting the server back before anyone notices it was taken is a little harder. Sophie in a slinky dress and flirting with the head of the building's security firm provides the perfect distraction. Her touch alone makes the woman melt. Alec grins as he watches from his laptop. Sophie had pegged the woman as a lesbian as soon as she saw her and she was right. She works her magic in subtle ways while he and Parker walk past. Sophie meets them in the alleyway behind the building a little later, a new phone number tucked into her hand.

"New girlfriend? Something we should know, Sophie?" Alec teases lightly. Parker jumps into the passenger seat and buckles up like a good girl while Nate starts to pull away from the curb.

Sophie just gives him an indecipherable look and smiles, catching him off guard and making him wonder if she really is a closet bisexual. She'd thrown the phone number away when they'd passed a dumpster on the way to Nate and the get-away car. Ironically, since Fate can be cruel in proving just how hip Alec isn't, the car is not a car at all. It's a mini-van, which, in Alec's eyes, is not cool at all. He was hoping for something like a Ferrari or a Corvette. If it'd been Eliot in charge of that part of the con they would've had one of those big Suburbans or something. Instead Nate had Parker hot-wire a Ford Windstar. Alec keeps thinking Eliot would not be happy as he looks around. But they blend into traffic without a problem so he doesn't complain. He follows Sophie into the back and sits down. After buckling his own seat belt he pulls out his netbook and begins the task of erasing their technical footprints. He also erases any other messes that may have been left behind. By the time they return his job is done and he has made sure they as well as the client are in the clear.

Things don't blow up until they get back home and Alec sees Eliot again. He assumed the man would be fine. He's been sleeping better and feeling almost himself again. What could go wrong? But he'd forgotten how stubborn Eliot could be. When he walks into the older man's apartment the foul scent of spilled booze and vomit is everywhere. There is also no sign of the hitter. Alec steps slowly toward the bedroom, as cautious as when they first brought Eliot home from that white room.

"El? Eliot, where are you?" he calls warily. "El?"

He finds the man in the master bathroom, naked and passed out in the tub. The man's skin feels hot to the touch and his body, despite its cramped state, is trembling. He opens his mouth reflexively.

"You know, the first time I found a stray cat I was 8? Took it home to Nana and said I wanted to keep it." He grabs a face cloth from the towel rack behind him and wets it. He purposely does not look below Eliot's waist. "Nana tried to tell me not to. She said that cat wasn't gonna make it, that it was sick. But I was determined to nurse it back to health, you know? I mean I was 8. What did I know, right?" He wipes Eliot's face gently, still talking when Eliot grunts in his sleep. "That cat was so damn mangy and just ill-looking. But I tried to save it anyway. A few days later it dies right in my arms . Nana was like, 'At least it wasn't alone...', but I was pissed, man. I wanted to be the hero. How stupid, huh?" He chuckles and strenuously lifts the other man out of the tub. "I should've been crying about death and dying and all that mess, and me? I didn't get my chance to be special so I wished it'd come back to life just so I could kill it." He shakes his head ruefully, carefully navigating around the bathroom hallway to lay Eliot down on the bed. He reeks of bourbon and stale sweat. Alec figures he must've drunk his way through the past three days. "Yeah. I was young and way too stupid..."

Alec watches as Eliot rolls over onto his side to make himself more comfortable. He shouldn't. He should look away. Or better yet, walk away. But Eliot's skin doesn't look so pale anymore. It's starting to get that healthy, golden glow again, even after this latest debacle. And there's a lot of it. Exposed as he is, Alec can't stop himself from letting his eyes travel over his upper bicep, the darker, wrinkled flaps of his elbow, the slight dip between his stomach and hip. Alec gets stuck on the curve of that hip, his fingertips itching to trace it down to his flank, sliding forward to-.

He stands quickly and almost runs to the living room, breathing heavily. His heart races like it's running a marathon. What the hell is he doing staring at a nude, unconscious, vulnerable man he would gladly inhale if he could? Have consensual, kinky, totally hot sex with if he could? Hold hands with and kiss if he could? And why does he have to have a sexual identity crisis over Eliot freaking Spencer of all people? Then Eliot screams. Alec goes to him without hesitation.

"Nonononononononono!" It's all Eliot gets out before he sits up abruptly. Alec arrives at the doorway in time to see him jerk gracefully, acrobatically, with eyes still closed, off the bed onto the floor. He cowers in the corner with his hands out. "Nnnooo..." he stutters hoarsely.

"El? I'm right here. I'm here, baby. I got you." He reaches out, squatting in front of the slumbering hitter. "Right here, El." He slowly takes him into his arms, temporarily forgetting about his bareness as he attempts to bring the man back to the present. He hums some made up melody, holding the older man closely and running a hand through his hair.

Once Eliot has been led back to bed and fallen into a lighter sleep Alec finds Nate down at the bar. He signals for a straight shot of Jose Cuervo. Nate comes to sit next to him, setting a tumbler of Jack and ice down in front of him instead. Alec catches Nate watching him as he drinks it in one go before immediately asking for another. The bartender brings a second that he downs as well. Nate stays silent throughout. Alec wants to think of something else, anything else, other than the man a floor above them. He wants not to picture Eliot in any state of undress, let alone completely nude, with his face twisted in terror and his voice calling out in the smallest child's voice he's ever heard.

"Take it easy," Nate advises quietly when he orders a third drink. "You don't want that hangover. It's not pleasant."

Alec shakes his head and swallows the liquid before answering. "That would be better than what's going on with Eliot."

"What happened?" Nate asks. His tone is delicate, as if he's afraid of spooking Alec.

"He should be fixed by now, Nate. He should be, I don't know," a hand waves uselessly around in the air above the bar, "Eliot again. I keep thinking it's gotta be temporary, you know?" Alec stares into his glass as he speaks. The ice melts so slowly it mesmerizes him. "But it's not, is it?"

He hears the man sigh next to him. "I don't know," he finally says. "I really don't know, Hardison. Those drugs could've re-wired his brain in ways no one can predict. But if he does come back it'll be because of you."

Alec knows it's entirely possible that their Eliot is gone and won't be coming back. He just can't see it. He can't see the world they live in, any world really, without the hitter. He can't imagine an Eliot who isn't strong and sarcastic and, at times when he least expects it, unbelievably kind. As tainted as Eliot is, he's still always been the Eliot that Alec knows and loves. Until now.

"To you," Nate adds almost as an after-thought. "He may be able to fight to come back to you. If you have the patience to continue fighting for him." It sounds like something Nana would say and, somehow, it helps.

"Nate, I think you're going soft in your old age," he says to diffuse the emotional moment.

Nate half-smiles knowingly but doesn't say anything else to him. He unnecessarily tells the bartender to cut Alec off. But Alec is done. He never has been much of a drinker and can't stand being drunk. He just slides off the stool and nods to Nate on his way back upstairs. Back in Eliot's apartment he sits on the sofa and surfs the channels on his television. When he finds nothing worth watching he grabs some action flick from Eliot's movie collection, makes himself some popcorn, pops open a can of Orange Crush, hits the play button on the remote and settles in for a long night. Four hours later the television is watching Alec. He's slumped over on the sofa, dozing fitfully. When he feels something flutter on his neck he wakes up groggily. Eliot is standing over him, staring, wearing pajama bottoms and nothing else. His arms are crossed and he looks angry.

"Why aren't you at home sleeping on your own sofa?" It's exactly what he would say. Alec barely hides the grin threatening to erupt as his heart fills with happiness.

"Yours is more comfortable?" It's not supposed to be a question but it comes out as one anyway.

"I'm okay, Hardison. You can go now."

Alec becomes more alert at the words. He eyes the man openly, looking for clues as to anything out of the ordinary. "It ever occur to you that it makes me feel better being here?" pops out accidentally. He doesn't look away. Neither does Eliot, who takes a breath, then gives in.

"Fine, then at least get in bed. The last thing I need is to hear you bitching tomorrow about how I messed your back up when it's your own damn fault for being such an idiot."

This time Alec lets the grin show through. He follows the other man back to the bedroom and climbs into bed with him. Eliot makes sure to tuck the flat sheet around himself as a barrier, looking pointedly at Alec. He grins again, chuckling as he gets situated on his side. It's strange, yet nowhere near wrong. He's facing the hitter, laying close enough to feel his inhales and exhales, conscious of every movement when the mattress springs shift in accommodation. Eliot grumbles something about personal space violations and rolls over to face away from him. The last thing Alec remembers before falling back asleep is the wide expanse of Eliot's back and the small mole he spied at the bottom of his right shoulder blade.

Alec hears music. There's a cloudy mist of gray when he tries to see in front of him. And there's no Eliot. Then it hits him. The flat sheet is covering his face. He pushes it off hastily and sits up. His head feels a little off from the whiskey. He's glad he didn't have any more as he rubs a rough hand over his cheeks. More importantly, he needs to find Eliot. He gets up, keeping an ear out for the other man. He finds him in the kitchen, cooking a breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon and home-made waffles. The food smells delicious. He's also swaying slightly to the jazzy notes playing on the radio on top of the refrigerator. Alec watches him quietly, trying not to disturb the man's peace. Eliot executes a perfect kick ball change with the skillet in one hand and a funky-looking spatula in the other and catches him there.

"Shit!" He stops dancing. "You scared me, Hardison! Next time make a noise or something! Christ, I almost had a heart attack!" He puts the skillet back onto the burner. "I thought you were still asleep?"

"No." He smiles. This Eliot, he thinks, has probably always been a normal part of the man, kept secret so no one would ever see him as less than a hitter. But he kinda wishes the dancing would continue. Eliot's hips are hypnotic. "What song was that?"

"Bird Of Paradise by Charlie Parker."

Alec nods like he knows who Charlie Parker is. He's heard of the man but he isn't familiar with his music. He's not familiar with most jazz. Oddly enough opera is more his thing. It was a really nice song though. He's more than ready to hear more. Eliot keeps cooking while he sits at the breakfast bar and listens. He also watches and waits. Eliot doesn't dance again. He still seems relaxed, which is good. Like now that Alec's back he can let his guard down again. Of course, he may be reading too much into it. He's known for over-thinking. It's just that Eliot is humming as he moves around the kitchen. His limbs are loose and he's not scared. For the first time in about two months Eliot Spencer is not afraid. At least not yet.

"You missed me, didn't you?" he asks slyly. He's just playing around. Maybe. Depending on how the other man responds.

"Even if I did, Hardison, I'll never tell," Eliot teases back. He winks, making Alec choke on his own saliva. "Damn, I was kidding. You're such a klutz..." He leans over to slap at Alec's chest.

"Not helping," Alec wheezes. "Bastard." His heart feels so light and free he doesn't care that he's coughing like a fool. He's content to enjoy the bright blue sea of Eliot's gaze. It's been too long since it's been so clear. When Eliot hands him a glass of water he drinks and swallows and clears his throat. "Your strength's coming back," he comments when he can speak again.

Eliot smirks the smirk of the guilty. "Sorry. I hit you too hard?"

"No! I'm just saying it's coming back, is all." What Alec means is it feels like a cinder block was dropped onto his chest. Another sign his Eliot is returning.

"Yeah." The startlingly quick smile he lays on Alec at this moment raises his body temperature by ten degrees. It, in no way, can be considered seductive or flirtatious or sexual. Yet Alec has to clear his throat again. His jeans tighten in the crotch as if they've suddenly shrunk a few sizes and his hands begin to tremble. It's a happy smile. Only that. But he's allowed Alec to share in the unveiling of it, thrilling him more than he can put into words. It gets him right in the gut as if Eliot had punched him in the solar plexus and twists his insides into a swarm of butterflies. Alec realizes that if he doesn't turn around and leave the room, he will vault over the counter to kiss the man senseless.

He coughs once more to cover the flush spreading across his face and neck. "Good, man. That's good. I'ma go take a shower now," he says, dashing off to the front door.

Five minutes later he's in his own master bathroom, standing with weak knees in the shower as he pictures Eliot's arms around him, holding him too tight in the confines of the stall. He jacks off desperately, harshly, calling out the other man's name as he closes his eyes and climaxes.

Eliot, who has in the past remarked that he misses cooking, makes them a feast the next night, Italian-style. Because Eliot's the go-big-or-go-home type his dining room table hosts dishes like pesto pasta, bruschetta pizzaiola, Panzanella with mozzarella balls, grilled mixed vegetables, risotto croquettes, with limoncello and sangria to drink. Alec would've never known what the dishes were called if Eliot hadn't named them, and hello, how did he not know his voice could sound so damn sexy pronouncing Italian foods? They all sit down, or fall into their chairs, in amazement. Alec knew, they all knew, that he could cook. They just tended to forget that he was a trained chef. That at some point in his career he'd learned from masters how to cut an onion so that it didn't bring tears to the eyes and how to poach an egg perfectly. Alec's mouth waters hungrily.

Eliot coughs, getting everyone's attention. "I just wanted to thank you guys. For everything."

They wait for more. Sophie smiles as Parker starts to pile different things onto her plate and Nate pretends he's not getting emotional. Alec stares up at Eliot who's standing next to him. When Eliot sits down he continues to stare. This time at the food. "I think I love you," he sighs reverently, not hearing his own words.

Eliot huffs out a laugh. The rest of the team digs in, following Parker's example. No one says anything for thirty long seconds. Then the compliments flow so fast out of their mouths Eliot gets whiplash. He smirks to shrug them off but grins in satisfaction. Alec fights not to drop a hand to his thigh and squeeze. He's proud of him. The patience it must've taken, the skill, the determination. Even with the pinky twitches and the lack of proper rest he was still able to come up with this beautiful spread. The man, Alec suspects, is pretty much capable of the impossible.

During dinner when anyone speaks it's about past cons. They all reminisce while Nate half-smiles. No one brings up Eliot's kidnapping or the drugs he'd been under. They especially don't bring up how worried they've all been now that he's recuperating. Knowing him he won't talk about it anyway. Instead they all keep things light. Alec makes jokes and gets indignant over little things and Sophie tries to teach Parker how to pout her lips flirtatiously. Parker doesn't get it but watching her try is fun. The sangria flows for Sophie who gets drunk enough to slur her words after three glasses. Nate offers to take her home at eight o'clock when her head dips one too many times into her plate. Parker leaves soon after, bored and antsy and wanting to test out the lock on a safe she saw at their last job. Alec wishes her luck and begins picking up plates. Eliot tells her to be safe from his chair at the table as she walks out.

"Hey, Hardison, what're you doing?"

"Cleaning up. It's the least I can do after you cooked us that delicious dinner."

Before he can blink Eliot's got a hand wrapped around his wrist. He's not gripping, just holding, and it feels...It feels nice if he's to be honest. Eliot's touch feels extremely nice. "Leave it, man. It'll keep until morning."

Alec stares at the hand stretched around his wrist, noting the veins popping out in relief. He licks his lips, imagining his Nana doing the nasty with some random old man or with Freddy Krueger. Hell, he imagines Nana naked and sexing it up with Nate but it still doesn't help. He wants that hand to be holding other parts of him, to be touching him all over. He wants, no, he needs to feel it all over. Now.

"I..." he squeaks. "..."

When Eliot lets go Alec figures it's just his luck that as soon as the older man understands what he isn't saying, he freaks out so bad he can't even explain himself.

The End...so far...


	3. Act Three: Reformation

Title: Feed – Chapter Three (complete)

Word Count: 6,121

Rating: hard R for adult content

Fandom/Pairing: Leverage slash starring Alec/Eliot, Nate, Sophie, Parker

Beta: for2rusty

Disclaimers/Warnings: No spoilers. Nothing too squicky but there are nightmares/night terrors involved so if you aren't comfortable with this please don't read. There's also some non-graphic violence and sex in this chapter.

Author Notes: My plan is to write my first 10,000+ story. I've exceed that so I'm happy. How did I do?

Summary: Alec gets what he wished for. Eliot's kidnapper gets punished and romance blossoms. Oh, and some fluff of the smexy kind happens.

Act Three: Reformation

"See, what had happened was..."

This is where Alec stops. Because he can't begin like that. And he doesn't know any other way. He could make Eliot turn around, say what he needs to say to his back, but Alec's no coward. Well, he tries not to be. At least not when it counts. Even though he's never actually told Parker how he feels about her. He's hinted and made indirect statements. But that doesn't count anyway. Parker doesn't always understand, and even when she does, she doesn't, so-.

"Hardison, stop geeking out and tell me what the hell is going on!" Eliot commands.

But Alec isn't geeking out so much as freaking out, which is a whole other story. Freaking out means he has no idea what to tell him. At all. Like, at all...

"...I..."

"Damn it, Hardison!"

When Eliot crosses his arms over his chest Alec knows it's his cue to speak or deal with the consequences. And as far as cues go it's pretty clear. Crystal. But Eliot's biceps are presenting themselves like two Picasso's or the Mona Lisa. He can't help looking at them. At Eliot's forearms with their wiry veins and smooth skin. At his hands hidden from view but memorized and imagined in detail. Alec can't help imagining those strong arms holding him so close he's unable to get away. Hell, he wouldn't want to. Eliot has the kind of arms Arnold Schwarzenegger would be jealous of. And those lips? Eliot's lips are full and rosy and entirely too kissable...

Eliot sounds a warning growl. It heads straight to Alec's nether regions the way a heat-seeking missile would.

"It's you, okay? Just...you!" Alec waves to indicate Eliot's person. "I was fine before, I swear to Nana!"

"Hardison, you sniff after Parker like a dog in heat. And she's hot and all but she's not exactly right in the head," Eliot points out.

"And you are? My track record ain't known for normal on good days, and now this?" He sighs and breathes in deep. "You think I want this? That I knew it was gonna happen? Cause I didn't!" He turns away from Eliot, afraid of what he will see if he looks into his eyes.

"So maybe you'll get over it?" the hitter asks a little too hopefully, which hurts more than Alec expects it to.

"Yeah, sure. It's just 'cause you're all, you know..." Alec picks up his dish again. "Whatever." He sets the plate in the sink and starts to walk back past the older man.

Eliot sighs. "Look, I, I mean, it's just that I don't do this." Alec blinks. "You know what I mean, right?"

"Yeah, sure, man. It's cool. Don't worry 'bout it," he replies as lightly as he can get away with.

Eliot attempts a smile that turns out more like a grimace. Alec waves a three-fingered salute and leaves. He's able to hold on and make it safely inside his apartment. Then the pain doubles him over. He hadn't realized, hadn't figured it out, until Eliot had acted so hopeful about his feelings fizzling out that he actually was in love and not just infatuated. He likes taking care of Eliot, likes being his rock, likes seeing the progress he makes with each passing day. He likes seeing him smile when he's accomplished something he hadn't been able to do when they first rescued him. And he cries inside whenever Eliot's expression freezes in exhaustion and horror. Eliot screaming breaks his heart each time he does it.

If that was all it was things wouldn't be so bad. But he understands. Just like he understands that somewhere along the line his need for the man became something more. Something else. So what's he supposed to do now? Now that Eliot knows and wishes he didn't?

"I can't sleep."

It's four o'clock in the morning and Alec is not asleep either. It's the only excuse he has for answering the phone in the first place. He's confused, though, as to why Eliot would be calling him of all people. No after what went down after dinner.

"What's wrong?" he asks softly. He may be cursing Eliot's very existence at the moment but he doesn't have it in him to be cruel.

"Green-eyed monsters." The hitter lets out a tired, weary breath. "I'm sorry but..."

"I'll be right over," Alec promises.

Eliot can't call anyone else. Alec is the only one to have seen him like this. So he grabs his keys and heads over to Eliot's. He mentally pushes down any feelings other than friendship that threaten to pop up, reminding himself of how much Eliot isn't interested. However, that plan is shot to hell when Eliot opens the door. He's shirtless, wearing baggy sweatpants, and he's sweaty. Alec's bottom jaw falls.

"Seriously? Seriously?" Alec covers his eyes with a hand. "Why the hell you all wet, man?"

"Would you just shut up and get in here?" Eliot pulls him in by the hem of his t-shirt and closes the door behind him. "I thought if I worked out it might help," he explains, exasperated.

"Are you tryin' to kill me? Seriously?" he repeats. "You had to call me after making yourself sweaty and shiny and-." He abruptly clamps his lips shut, otherwise the next word to slip out of his mouth would've been 'sexy'. "Jesus, I'm too young for this!" He sinks bonelessly into a corner of the sofa, refusing to look at Eliot.

Eliot takes mercy on him eventually by putting a shirt on. It doesn't matter though. He's seen enough. And it's a thin, long-sleeved jersey knit that clings to the sweat as if it's trying to highlight every muscle. Alec closes his eyes, inhales and counts to ten to calm himself. Once he's got a handle on his desire again he opens his eyes. Eliot is sitting in a recliner on the opposite side of the sofa from him, giving him some much-needed space.

"I would've called someone else if I could've, Hardison."

Alec's head rises upward as he twists and turns his head to release tension in his neck. "It's okay. Really, Eliot. I just wasn't..." Expecting him to be half-naked with a fine sheen of sweat glistening on his skin that makes Alec want to jump into his lap and plunder his mouth-. Alec quickly smothers that train of thought. "You wanna play some cards or watch a movie or something?"

Eliot murmurs something too quietly for him to hear.

"What was that?"

Eliot's gaze snares his before dropping to the floor. "I got no right to ask...Especially now..."

It'll be bad. Whatever it is. It'll be extremely bad and Alec will find himself doing it simply because the hitter has asked him to. That he can guarantee. "Uh huh...," he prods suspiciously.

"I...I sleep better when..." Alec quirks an eyebrow. If he was a betting man he'd be hitting it big right about now. "When you're close by," Eliot finishes softly.

Yeah. Of course. "Of course." Because what else would torture Alec more than to be in such close proximity with the man he loves, who doesn't love him? "Come on, then. Off to bed with ya."

Alec shoos him off to bed and settles in for another lonely, uncomfortable night on the sofa. Eliot kindly doesn't offer to let him share his bed. Not that he would now. This way only one of them will be having issues with stiffness in the morning. Alec shakes head. It already is morning, he scolds himself. The image of Eliot's arms and chest comes back with a vengeance despite his attempts to stop it. Because the sofa smells like the man, musky and earthy. It makes sense that he think about him. Alec sighs. It's gonna be a long night.

At five thirty there are sounds coming out of Eliot's room that are like nothing he has ever heard before, and he's heard a lot in the past couple months. But these are higher-pitched than any the other man's made before. The only comparison Alec has is to the whimpers Eliot made when he'd watched him on the feed. Alec figures he's having another night terror, which is good to know. It helps prepare him for what he might encounter when he walks slowly into his bedroom. Eliot is in bed, back arched tighter than a bow string. The same gray flat sheet blankets him so he can't see his fingers but he has a feeling they're curled into claws. Eliot's throat is stretched, his head thrown back. The position looks painful, and he's holding it faithfully.

When Alec approaches he calls Eliot's name gently. He reaches out to lay a hand on his shoulder. Eliot's blood is thrumming through his veins. That can't be good. Alec keeps saying his name in the softest, calmest voice, trying to pull him back from wherever he is. Finally, after five solid minutes with no change, Eliot begins to relax muscle by muscle. The process is slow but Alec doesn't let go and he doesn't stop calling to the man. Then, the hitter opens his eyes. It's Eliot in there, no question, but he's staring at Alec like he's his savior, or his god. The feeling Alec experiences can only be described as intoxicating. He's never had anyone look at him that way. Ever.

He clears his throat to gain control of himself. "Eliot? You here with me, man?"

When the man opens his mouth to speak no sound comes out. Alec hugs him out of reflex, ignoring how right it feels to have Eliot in his arms. Because he's trying too hard not to like being the strong one it takes him by complete surprise when Eliot surges up to kiss the life out of him. Eliot's obviously distressed from his night terror, obviously scared and hungry to experience something that has nothing to do with where his mind keeps taking him in his slumber. And normally Alec would be right there with him. It would be his chance to be with the man in the biblical sense, which he's pretty safe in believing would be hot as hell. But Alec can't, not when it's about his fear instead of them, so Alec pulls away as quickly as he can.

"Damn it, Hardison. Let me-," Eliot growls, grabbing at his hands to bring him back flush with his own body.

"El, you don't even like me!" he cuts him off. "Come on. You don't want this."

Alec never thought it possible but seeing Eliot like this and not taking advantage hurts as much as knowing any kind of sex right now would be wrong in the hitter's current state. It wouldn't matter that Alec has feelings for him. If anything more happened Alec wouldn't even need to be someone he knows. He could be a total stranger and the other man wouldn't care.

"I know you wanna forget, El," he continues gently, "but this isn't the way. Not with me." The last words sink in. Eliot's movements freeze as he backs up. He leans against the headboard and brings his legs up, wrapping his arms around his knees.

"Hardison, I...I'm so sorry..." Eliot pleads quietly. "...I shouldn't have done that..." He won't look at him. Just stares at his hands clasped and suspended above the space between his knees.

Why Eliot has to wait until after such an explosive kiss to realize he shouldn't have kissed him at all, Alec doesn't know. What he does know, however, is that his mouth tasted sour and metallic and he really wants to dive back into it. Because it was as good as he'd imagined. Hard and slightly painful and raw. Addictive. Alec doesn't need this, doesn't need to be so affected by this craving for another man, let alone the team's resident hitter. He doesn't need to always be looked at like he's an idiot and still want the man so fiercely his balls ache.

"It's cool. Just...don't do that again, okay?" He can't swear he'll be able to restrain himself if there's a next time. He also can't swear that it won't break him. But Alec doesn't add any of this. Neither does the older man mention how wobbly his grin is or how he purposely avoids his eyes. "Try to get some rest," he says, standing up. "I'll see ya in the morning."

Alec walks out of Eliot's bedroom, closing the door behind him, but something inside seems lighter than before he'd first gone in. As if he left something with him, something that makes it more difficult to inhale.

When Alec enters his bathroom it's for one reason only. What he's about to do requires privacy. He sits on the toilet cover and unzips his pants. Taking himself in hand, he visualizes Eliot's mouth as he strokes up, then down the shaft. Within seconds his orgasm rockets through him and Eliot's name etches itself onto the tip of his tongue. It trips out silently as he tips his head back. Alec tells himself he will eventually be fine, that tonight was an aberration and he'll get over it. The pep talk doesn't help. A tear slowly rolls down his cheek unchecked.

At seven the next morning Alec sneaks out of Eliot's apartment. He doesn't check on the older man before he goes. His shame and guilt won't let him. He just slips away without a word. He tells himself it's for the best. He'll forget about the kiss that made his toes tingle and his heart pound so hard it almost escaped from the inside of his chest. He won't though, and he knows it. He wants too badly for it to happen again. And again and again. Back in his own bed he drifts off to sleep with the ghost of Eliot's lips against his, dreaming about making love with him.

At ten he wakes to the soft ding of an alarm on his laptop. It sits innocently on the desk beside his bed but he bolts out of bed immediately. He knows what that ding is for. Alec has finally found out who kidnapped Eliot. He quickly dumps the information into an untraceable file on the laptop and grabs it along with his keys, speed-dialing the rest of the team on his cell to request a meeting. By ten thirty they'll all in the conference room. Alec looks at Eliot's neck as he begins, figuring if he actually looks into his eyes he'll never be able to speak.

"Eliot, I got something. You ever heard of a Chilean dude named Gonzalvo Reyes? 'Cause he's who took you."

The atmosphere in the room changes as Eliot blinks. Alec makes the mistake of raising his gaze, trapping himself in the cobalt flame of Eliot's irises. Everything else fades out as Eliot nods in acknowledgment of Alec's gift. Alec smiles back involuntarily. He may not be able to have more than this, but finding who hurt the man and handing the bad guy over on a silver platter softens the blow a little. Then Sophie clears her throat quietly, bringing him back to the present.

"Who's Reyes?" Nate asks, unaware.

Sophie winks at Alec while Parker sits and twirls a black ball point pen around in her hand.

"A friend of Damien's," Eliot answers. "And a bad man."

Shaking himself mentally, Alec says, "A very bad man. Like child prostitution bad. And slavery. And rumors that he's killed a few girls but no one could ever convict him of murder because he apparently bought off the judge presiding over his case. And you have a price on your head." When his chin indicates Eliot they all turn to watch the hitter. Eliot, for his part, is not surprised at this news.

"So what's the plan?" Parker asks. In her eagerness to get started a twirl goes haywire, flinging the pen toward Eliot's forehead. In the span of a second he plucks it out of the air and places it on the table in front of him. No one says anything but it's the proof they need that Eliot is ready to get back in the game.

Nate's plan is simple. Security in Chile is lax, especially outside of Peru where Reyes built his compound. Parker, who is amazingly efficient at hiding herself until she wants to be seen, easily sneaks in to release the girls. Luckily the townspeople in the region have wanted to oust Reyes for the past decade and have offered to help. Nate organizes a group of drivers to take away anyone not able to run while Parker points the way for those who are mobile. Alec, pretending to be a potential client, makes an effort not to cringe at the girl standing in front of him in Reyes's office. From the comm in his ear Eliot provides words in the local language for him to say so he won't seem suspect, but he feels dirty. He's buying someone who can't be older than eleven to be a servant in his mansion. Not actually having a mansion doesn't count. Nor does the fact that he has never had sexual thoughts about little girls. He still wishes he could jump in the shower and scrub himself with a wire brush to wash away the slime.

Alec reminds himself he's doing this for Eliot. Somehow that keeps him from making a mistake while he purchases 'the product' for what Reyes tells him is a steal. When he leaves he has the girl by the hand, striving for nonchalance as they walk out of the main house. No one else is around on the compound. Alec hopes this is because everyone else has been taken care of. The girl whimpers suddenly as Eliot runs up to them. He quickly comforts her in her native tongue as he looks around.

"You have to go. Nate and the girls are waiting in that old Range Rover next to the dorm. Take the girl and move."

"Wait, where you goin'?" he questions as Eliot backs off and heads to the front door of the house where he'd left Reyes. "El?"

"Gotta take care of something." Alec instantly thinks of the drugs he was given while he was held hostage, the white room he was kept in. Is it here on the grounds? And will the hitter kill Reyes if he finds it? Alec opens his mouth to argue. "Don't worry, Hardison. I won't touch a hair on his head. And I'll be back before you know it." He smiles. "Promise."

Alec takes him at his word and leads the girl to the SUV. Sophie hands her off to a local couple for safekeeping as Alec gets in the back.

"Eliot?" Nate queries once he sees Alec's alone. The hacker's eyes travel back to the main house. "Eliot!" Nate calls out, wondering why he's not answering. "Eliot, if you don't respond in one second I will drive this thing right through the front door!" He turns the key. The Rover's still capable engine growls as horsepower races through it.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Eliot finally says as he opens the door. He's grinning devilishly.

Then, as if by design, the house begins to smoke. A fire truck blares its horn as it barrels up the driveway to the house. Eliot jumps into the back of the Rover beside him. They drive in the opposite direction as the townspeople distract the policemen that show up. The little girl Alec bought waves goodbye. He blinks rapidly to clear the mist from his eyes but the grin he throws her way is bright.

It doesn't take long for him and his handy netbook to wipe away the team's tracks or to find out that Eliot had indeed left Reyes alive. He now sits in solitary in a prison awaiting sentencing for all the identifiable evidence left on the compound and the girls willing to testify against him. The locals in their statements to the police don't mention them at all. On the plane back to the States Eliot sits next to Alec, sleeping peacefully for the first time in months. Alec watches over him as always. Nate and Sophie talk quietly a few rows back while Parker sits on Alec's other side, playing Solitaire on her tray table. He takes a deep breath and asks himself the one question he was hoping never to have to answer. The search for Eliot's kidnapper is over. Who's he supposed to be to Eliot now?

Eliot shows up at his apartment an hour after they arrive home. He has a can of orange Crush in one hand and a steaming home-made pizza on a cookie sheet in the other. It's nine o'clock at night and he has jet-lag but he invites the man in anyway. The pizza smells awesome.

"What you did, finding Reyes and all, that was, I don't..." Eliot trails off.

They're sitting on Alec's sofa at each end. The pizza is gone, as well as the Crush and a couple bottles of Dos Equis Eliot had stashed at his place. Alec is exhausted and full. It's a trying combination with Eliot putting off heat even from 18 inches away. All he wants to do is crawl into the hitter's lap and fall asleep with his head on his chest. Instead he stays in his seat and remains quiet.

"You didn't have to."

Alec's head swivels around toward him. Eliot's not looking at him. His eyes are trained on the wall across from them. "You would've done it for me," Alec says to his profile. The words are a reflex. They're also true. Alec knows he would've moved heaven and earth if he had been the one in trouble. "You would've done it for any of us. Nate, Sophie. Parker."

"I'm not talking about them, man. You didn't give up, did you? Not once."

"...El..." He wants to tell him not to do this. Not when he's exhausted and wanting to run a hand through Eliot's hair. Not now when he's so defenseless. The expression on Eliot's face, however, paralyzes him.

"Hardison, I haven't had a relationship in longer than I can remember. It's easier that way. No one can be used against me and no one can hurt me." Alec thinks it's a warning until Eliot's gaze shifts to his eyes. "I'll screw up at some point. And there'll be days when you'll wanna punch me..." Eliot doesn't smirk. He smiles. Privately, flirtatiously. "...But..."

Alec, in spite of his fear, leaps. "But you'll make it worth my while, right?" he flirts back.

The smile drops as Eliot says in all seriousness, "Turns out geeks do it for me. 'Cause I can't get that kiss outta my head."

He's staring directly into Alec's dark brown orbs so he can see the impact the words have on the younger man. His own eyes twinkle victoriously as Alec's brain short-circuits. He stands up deliberately, stepping in front of the hacker.

"We should go to my place." Alec cocks his head, confused. "We can't do this here. I've seen your bedroom and it's a buzz kill. Come on."

Alec doesn't make any attempts to get indignant. Just takes his hand and follows the man.

Once they reach Eliot's apartment he hesitates. Eliot unlocks the door and turns around. Alec thinks maybe this is a mistake. What if the guy is just horny? Or looking for a little fun? What if he doesn't feel for Alec what Alec feels for him? Then Eliot pushes his hair back from his face with a slightly trembling hand. It's not a big thing, except to Alec it is. He's on stable ground after seeing the tell. He grins and pushes the man back into the family room, closing the door behind him. Surprisingly, Eliot lets him keep pushing until they're in the center of the room.

Moonlight filters through the curtains, showcasing Eliot's body. Alec watches him silently, caught up in how beautiful he is at the moment. This is the man he's fallen in love with. The one no one else gets to see. The vulnerable, open, trusting person who sees something in him that no one ever has. Eliot's eyes in the darkness are hypnotic, freezing him in his tracks. The hitter, though, has less patience. His right hand reaches out in the air slowly but surely, fingertips touching Alec's chest seconds later. He takes a breath as the fingertips slide down over his solar plexus, back up to his sternum, and down again to his stomach where his low-hanging jeans ride. The fingertips become a whole hand, resting there where his insides are fluttering uncontrollably. Alec hopes he can't feel how much they're twisting and turning. Neither speak for a minute while the tension builds. Alec can feel his knees starting to weaken. Finally, he breaks the silence.

"..." He clears his throat and tries again, whispering, "El, I gotta sit or lay down, man. Please!"

Maybe it's because the only light comes from the moon. Or maybe it's just Eliot. Alec isn't sure. Either way the floaty sensation he experiences when the man's mouth falls open at this admission knocks him off his feet. Right as his legs give out Eliot leans over to kiss him, wrapping a supportive arm around his waist. The kiss is sensual, languid, erotic. Alec can't hold back the groan that rumbles up from his chest, nor does he want to. This is how it should've been the first time, he thinks. Of course, on the heels of that thought is how good a kisser Eliot is. Not that the first kiss wasn't an indication of his skills, but this is different. This is, God, this is more than he ever imagined, more than he ever dreamt of. Eliot is taking his mouth over, opening it up and sliding his tongue in to stroke Alec's. Alec reacts by whimpering.

Eliot keeps kissing him, not letting go, not easing up, as he leads him back toward his bedroom. Alec has no idea how they make it without tripping over or running into anything. It's Eliot's doing but it he doesn't care. Eliot is taking his breath away step by step. When Eliot pulls back it takes Alec a minute to realize they're in his bedroom, standing in front of his bed. His arm is still around his waist and Alec's knees are still like jelly. Eliot gently pushes him down into a sitting position on the edge of the bed and moves to stand between his feet. Alec blinks before allowing his hands to rise up to Eliot's own waist.

"...Alec..." Eliot growls, using his first name for the first time that he can remember. And saying it that way, his voice deep, jerky, it sounds like more than a simple name.

Alec responds by placing his hands on his hips, ignoring the nervous tremor in his fingers. Eliot looks down at him, his hair falling like a shield around his face. It's sexy as all hell. And somehow it blocks out the rest of the world. Alec can still see his eyes and that's all that matters. Especially when he reaches down the pull his shirt up over his head. Alec moves his hands up the exposed flesh, murmuring words of desire, of need, as he touches the tanned skin before him. Eliot bites his bottom lip, throwing his head back, making Alec's already tight boxers grow impossibly tighter in the crotch. Knowing that he's the cause of that? It's an aphrodisiac. Thirty seconds pass before Eliot's head rights itself. When it does he takes Alec's jaw in hand and leans down to kiss him again. He's more aggressive now, owning Alec's lips, his tongue. There is no more teasing. Now Eliot is serious, showing the same amount of dedication to this as he does the each con. Alec scoots up the bed instinctively. Which is a good thing, since Eliot promptly lies down on top of him, kissing, groaning, grinding into his body carelessly. His legs spread to make room for the hitter, to bring his pelvis closer. He revels in the faint pain of Eliot's resulting thrusts, bringing his knees up to hold on to Eliot's waist while his hands tangle in Eliot's hair. Soon, too soon, Alec grunts out his name, climaxing hard enough to see stars. Eliot follows immediately after.

"Jesus!" It's all Alec has. His face is buried in Eliot's neck. The hitter's hair flutters with every exhale. He licks a line up the side of Eliot's neck up to his ear before sucking the lobe into his mouth.

"Fuck," Eliot whispers. "Babe..." Alec figures he hadn't meant to let that slip but it had. And it fills him with the confidence to lick and suck all over Eliot's neck. "I haven't...haven't c-c-cum in my jeans s-s-s-since I wasss fourteen!" he grumbles. He's stuttering though, lisping slightly, contradicting the gruffness.

The thing is, he's affected. It makes Alec proud and a little smug. He has no idea what kind of experience Eliot has with men, but right now, tonight, he is the one making him lose it. Although it could also be the orgasm. No, Alec thinks. It's him. He's doing this to the older man. He kisses Eliot in gratitude. Eliot kisses back eagerly, tenderly.

"Next time," Eliot says, pulling back to catch his breath, "we're doing this with less clothing on." He smirks down at Alec. Alec doesn't get the joke. He's too busy hearing that phrase repeat itself in his head.

"Next time?" he asks. What he means to ask is if there really will be a next time. If Eliot will permit it.

The smirk morphs into an understanding smile. "Yeah."

"Yeah?" A steady, calloused hand cups his jaw. Eliot pecks him on the lips and nods. "I'm down with that. I mean, you know, as long as you're down I'm down..." Alec babbles embarrassingly, joy and desire fighting for dominance inside as Eliot rolls off him to get off the bed.

"Shut up, man," he tells him good-naturedly, sounding just like the Eliot he sees every day. Alec likes that what they're becoming, whatever that is, won't change what they were before. It makes it easier to accept that this really might not be a novelty to Eliot, that the hitter might genuinely be in love with him too. "I'ma grab a shower," he calls over his shoulder as he walks to the master bathroom.

"Yeah, man, go for it," Alec replies, closing his eyes as he lay in the afterglow.

A pause. Then, "You comin'?"

Alec's eyes pop back open to see Eliot standing in the bathroom doorway, watching him. He's turned the light on and has a hand on the frame. The other stretches out in front of him.

"Oh?...Oh...Yeah, El. I'm comin'." He springs up from the bed in a hurry to take his hand. Once he does Eliot tugs him closer, aligning their lower halves. He looks into Alec's eyes, his own clear and sparkling like the ocean. "You're gonna be the death of me, ain't you?" It's kind of a stupid thing to ask but he can't help it because it's obvious. Eliot really will be the death of him. As sappy as he is he's pretty positive he'll go willingly.

"In more ways than one," Eliot kids, grinning. This time when Eliot kisses him he locks his knees. Until the man's deft fingers begin unzipping his jeans...

The next morning Eliot's cell starts ringing. A second later Alec's goes off. They both groan. Nate has found a new client. Alec takes his time reaching for his jeans on the floor. Eliot is lying next to him, naked and warm, relaxed, nightmare-free, and he doesn't plan to give that up sooner than he has to.

"What's up?" he calls hoarsely.

"Hardison? You alright?" Nate checks, sounding alert and a little concerned.

Alec huffs out a laugh. He doesn't say anything about how Nate is cock-blocking the morning quickie he was hoping to talk Eliot into before facing the land of the living again. Instead he remarks sarcastically, "Nate, it's..." He squints at the time on the screen, "eight o'clock in the freaking morning. And you woke me up from some actual rest. So, no, I'm not alright. But if you give me about an hour to shower, drink some coffee and look over whatever files you've sent me, I'll be fine, okay?"

"Right. Well." At this point he coughs slightly in what sounds like embarrassment. Alec rubs his face roughly to wake up. "Eliot didn't answer his cell so I'll assume he's with you. Is he...?"

Alec has an idea of what Nate's getting at, but there are different ways to end the question. "He's good, Nate," he says. Eliot turns his head to look over at him, rolling his eyes in resignation.

Nate seems satisfied by that and signs off with, "Good. Then see you both in an hour." He hangs up.

Alec closes his cell and slips it back into his jeans pocket. He tells Eliot what Nate said about meeting in the conference room, leaving out the part where Nate inquired about his state of physical and mental health. But Eliot is aware. He chooses to ignore it and shifts to lie on top of him.

"We got about a half hour, Hardison. Make it quick." He grins, his mouth sinking down into Alec's. Alec wraps his hands around his shoulder blades automatically, groaning when Eliot's tongue duels with his. Alec's last thought is to wonder how Eliot can have such god-awful morning breath after the night they had and still make him want more.

Exactly an hour later Alec walks into the conference room with Eliot behind him. Eliot sits in a chair on the opposite side of the table as usual, his professional face on. Nothing is out of the ordinary really, but Nate cocks his head curiously at Alec. His eyes narrow suddenly in understanding. He shakes his head, indulgent as only he can be. Alec doesn't acknowledge anything out of principle.

"Oh my god!" he hears. It's Sophie. Alec knew she would get it quickly. He just hopes she won't go overboard in her cooing. He doesn't want Eliot to get cold feet. "This is an interesting development. Very interesting..."

When Alec gathers the courage to look in her eyes she winks. He pretends not to see it and begins. "Okay, so, today's bad guy is someone Nate found for us-."

"Hey, wait. What's going on?" Parker asks. She looks at Sophie, then Nate, then he and Eliot. "What'd I miss?"

"I'll explain it to you later, Parker," Sophie tells her, patting her hand to distract her.

"I'm always the last to know!" she whines.

The pout is an adorable expression on her. One that Alec has always found attractive. Yet his eyes seek out Eliot's. Eliot licks his lips unconsciously as he looks back. Alec grips his pen in order not to drop it while he logs into his laptop. It's the only way to keep busy so he won't jump the man in front of the rest of the team. But he can feel Eliot's eyes tracking his every movement. If he falters at the start no one mentions it.

Alec informs the team of their new client with Nate's input and Sophie's insight. Parker and Eliot add their own opinions at times, and it feels so normal Alec almost can't believe it's not. Nate and Sophie know and neither care. Parker will be Parker no matter what happens. But, whoa, how the hell did it happen? When did he become happy? How did this dysfunctional team become family and, more importantly, how did Eliot become his lover? After the con has been decided on and everyone learns their parts they start to leave. Alec, unaware that he's even doing it, pulls Eliot into his space to kiss him as if he has the right to do so. Only Eliot doesn't halt the action so maybe he does. Alec grins into the kiss, pretending the wolf whistle coming from the Sophie, the exclamation from Parker and the awkward cough from Nate don't exist. Hell, they don't. Not once Eliot gives in to it and sags against his body. Surrounded by his family, Alec keeps kissing and Eliot keeps giving and it just doesn't get any better.

The End...for real...


End file.
